


So show me where my armor ends

by Hclxs



Series: The Soul Mate Au No One Ask For [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Awesome Wanda Maximoff, Bucky Barnes & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Bucky Barnes Feels, Canon Disabled Character, Child Abandonment, Childhood Trauma, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Clint Barton's Farm, Deaf Clint Barton, Depression, Disabled Character, Disabled Sam Wilson, F/F, F/M, Foster Care, Healing, Hurt Wanda Maximoff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mental Health Issues, Natasha Romanov & Tony Stark Friendship, Natasha Romanov Feels, Natasha Romanov Has Issues, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Past Character Death, Past Drug Addiction, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Torture, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Clint Barton, Protective Laura Barton, Recovery, Red String of Fate, Sam Wilson is a Gift, Sam Wilson is a Saint, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson Friendship, Wanda Maximoff Needs a Hug, War Vet Clint Barton, War Vet Natasha Romanov, War Veteran Bucky Barnes, War Veteran Sam Wilson
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2019-10-15 22:26:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17537471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hclxs/pseuds/Hclxs
Summary: Natasha was POW/MIA and was tortured for almost three years after her unit was attacked until she was found because Clint and Bucky refused to believe she would never be found. Now she's focused on surviving day to day while trying to recover until she meets Sam Wilson and Wanda Maxinoff.Sam came home from war two years ago without his best friend and his right leg, deciding the war took to much from him he put his focus on other vets. He focused to much on others he ignored himself and his own needs and his own fate.Wanda lost her home and her brother the same day because of war and came to live in America at sixteen, losing herself in the process. Her past addiction is a day to day struggle and it doesn't help the two people she's supposed to love were apart of war.Will they accept their fate before it's to late?





	1. Chapter 1

_I woke up from the same dream:_  
_Falling backwards, falling backwards_  
_'Til it turned me inside out._

_-Pluto, Sleeping At Last_

 

Clint glanced over at Natasha as she stared at the farm house, she had been there plenty of times but between her last tour, having gone missing and her stay in the hospital it had been over three years  so he understood her hesitance. When he returned home he had a few injuries and lost his hearing and he was hesitant about going home, he couldn't even begin to imagine what was going through her mind. 

"Laura made supper." He started, keeping his voice calm. "Roast beef, mashed potatoes and gravy, and green beans."

It was a fairly simple that Clint and Natasha always liked so Laura made sure to have the supplies to make it when they were home. It was warm, home cooked and tasted like home which was something neither one of them had as a child. Clint's parents both died when he was five and Nats before that, they met when she was seven and he was nine when they were both placed in the same foster home and they didn't met again until four years later when they were both placed in a care unit for at risk youth after he was found with his brother and she tried to commit suicide after setting the house she was staying at on fire. 

Anton Lloyd escaped and six weeks later was sent to prison for physical and sexual abuse of a minor, owning and creating child pornography, and many other things that made Clint want to kill him for touching her. After that Clint refused to leave her or go anywhere with out her, some people were understanding and would take both of them but not many were. A lot of people knew they were messed up kids and knew it was easier to fuck with them, kids and adults alike.

"You hungry?" He asked, opening the truck door and grabbing her bag from the middle of the seat. 

She shrugged and opened the door, climbing out and slamming the door behind her. 

It was hard to get her to talk, it always had been but she trusted Clint and Laura and she had since she was seventeen but that was years ago and she was nearing twenty-six now. 

Clint nodded and took one last look at her before heading towards the house, Natasha following a close distance behind him. Laura was sitting the food on the table when they walked in before quickly turning to greet them, taking in Natashas appearance. She looked better than she did last time Laura saw her but she was still pale, skinny, and looked absolutely exhausted, and Laura noticed she walked with a limp when she moved out of the door way so Clint could close it. 

She stepped forward, kissing her husband before smiling at Natasha, unsure of what to do. Clint told her she still didn't take well to touch of any kind which was very understandable considering all she had been through in her life. He also told her she still wasn't talking, just a nod or a shake of the head or a shrug, open ended questions only got silence in return and she would sometimes close herself off for a few days. 

"Are you hungry?" Laura asked her, keeping her voice as normal as she could. 

Natasha stood still for a few long moments before eventually nodding, it was subtle but it was something.

Laura glanced at Clint before nodding and speaking again. "Is water okay?" Clint had told her water was pretty much the only liquid she could keep down, he wasn't sure if it was because that's all her body was use to or they did something to her.

Natasha nodded again, looking towards Clint as if she was waiting for directions which he seemed to pick up on pretty quickly. He nodded towards the table, speaking as he did. "You can sit."

Natasha nodded and began to walk towards the table but stopped when Lucky came running into the kitchen. She took a few steps back, moving closer to Laura, obviously trying to put a safe distance between herself and the rowdy eight month old puppy. She looked towards Laura, her eyes wide with questions and possible fear.  She was never the best at reading Natasha, Clint somehow always knew everything that she felt or crossed her mind.

"Clint found him dropped near the driveway," Laura quickly explained, taking a cautious step towards Natasha, reaching her hand out. "His name is Lucky." 

Natasha glanced at Laura then back at Lucky, clearly deciding who was more trustworthy and eventually decided it was the farthest from the both of them. She stayed there until Laura put Lucky out and Clint enter the kitchen.

"What happened?" He asked, automatically noticing Natasha was still far away from both of them.

"Lucky startled her," Laura explained. "At least I think that's what happened." She wasn't even sure what exactly happened, this Natasha was completely different from the one she use to know. 

 Clint slowly approached Natasha, as if she would bolt at any minute and Laura believed she possibly would, after a few minutes of convincing he managed to get her to sit down at the table and eat something. It was mostly Clint and Laura eating in silence while Natasha pushed off around with her fork and eating a few green beans and taking a few sips of water. 

Clint looked over at Laura before speaking, "You wanna get some rest?" He asked her. "We set up a room for you a few days ago."

Natasha nodded and followed Clint up the stairs, waiting in the doorway as he went to get her some of Lauras clothes she could sleep in. 

"We'll get you some clothes once you've settled in." He said handing her a pair of black leggings and Lauras old hoodie from her senior year of high school. "And Laura has a doctors appointment Monday that we both need to attend so Bucky will be staying with you, is that okay? You can go to his apartment or stay here but a change of scenery might be nice, huh?" Natasha just nodded. 

He was turning to leave when Natasha spoke up, her voice was scratchy from lack of use and she spoke softly but it was the first time he heard her voice in over three years. "I have two," she paused. " Soul mates I mean."

"You do?" He walked closer to her, sitting on the bed beside her.

She nodded, speaking again. "I always knew, thought you should too." She pulled her shirt over her shoulder, showing the words to Clint. 

Sure enough there were two sets of words, one right below the others which were much calmer than the second,  ' _How you doin'?'_ was right above ' _You're a soldier?  My brother died because of you.'_ He wasn't looking froward to that conversation and hoped it wouldn't happen soon, he didn't think Natasha was going to be able to handle that. Natasha had gone so long with out love she almost craved it and he had seen what happens when it's pulled out from under her.

He was silent for a long moment, staring at the wall before turning to her and speaking. "I know a guy with two marks, maybe you could talk to him?" Clint asked, waiting for a response and when he didn't get one he continued speaking. "I know they're pretty rare."

"And if he's the one who says that?" She fired back, trying to hide the fear in her voice. 

"He's a soldier," Clint explained. "Honorable discharged, lost his leg."

Natasha shrugged, looking away from him and at the floor. "What if he say's the other thing?" The fear in her voice was evident now. "I'm fucked up, no one deserves to have to deal with that."

"Tasha," He said softly, a sadness in his voice. "You can't stop people from loving you, that's for them to deiced."

"No one who wants a normal life would-"

Clint cut her off, speaking over her. "Do you think Laura and I are just going to tolerate you being here?" He held up a hand when Natasha tried to speak signaling for her to stay quiet. "Because we aren't, you're my sister, Lauras best friend so don't ever think we don't want you here."

Natasha looked at the wall, staying silent for a long moment before speaking. "I think I'm going to try to get some sleep."

Clint nodded, watching her for a moment before exiting the room. "Night, Nat." He said before closing the door behind him. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky makes an appearance.
> 
> Natasha meets Steve and Sam.
> 
> Words are exchanged.

Natasha sat in the window of the room Clint and Laura were letting her stay in, it was the room she had always stayed in and everything was the exact same as if they expected her to come home. The books on the bookcase were still neatly arranged, an apple cinnamon candle was on her bedside table and so was a lamp and the last book she was reading, her bed was the same and the pictures still hung on the wall or were sitting in random places. Laura said she'd take her shopping whenever she wanted, it was summer now and last time she was at the farm it was winter and she needed clothes for the summer weather. Of course she has clothes but they all hung weird on her body now and they showed to much skin. 

But that'd have to be a different day. Laura had a doctors appointment and Clint was going with her so she was going to stay with Bucky at his apartment so basically she needed a babysitter and it was Buckys turn and possibly his friends. His name was Steve and he was in the army until he left to take care of his mom. That's all she knew and that Bucky said he was nice. But Bucky thought most people were nice because he was weird and had faith in people. 

And his favorite fruit is plums. Or was. Did she have to learn everything about the people she knew again? People could change a lot in two years and getting your arm blown off probably changes people. War changed people, she knew that much.

She looked at the clock, ten minutes until Bucky arrived and twenty until Clint and Laura left. Sighing, she got up and slipped an old pair of converse on her feet, the shoes were dirty, falling apart and had smears of sharpy because Bucky and Laura got bored one day and drew stars and lighting bolts on them but that was over three years ago. It was hot out today so she wore a jean button up shirt over a tank top and a pair of college sweatpants Laura had. 

She looked like a mess and the bags under her eyes didn't help or how thin she was, Clint and Laura were both worried about her weight and after today Bucky probably would be too. 

Lucky was barking now, Laura said he liked Bucky but she got the feeling Lucky liked everyone. She looked in the mirror one more time before grabbing a ponytail holder and pulling her hair back in a low bun, trying to hide her neck as much as possible before walking out of the room, shutting the door behind her. Bucky greeted her when she walked into the kitchen, waving at her.

"Hey," He greeted, patting Lucky on the head one last time before walking closer to her, clearly confused if he should hug her or not. Last time he had seen her she was sedated after panicking and attacking a doctor and three nurses and after that Clint advised him to stay away for a bit and eventually life just got in the way. 

Natasha automatically took a step back from him, bumping into the doorway. She figured contact and people being in her personal space was something that was going to take awhile to get comfortable with again. "Hi." She spoke, her voice was barely above a whisper and gave a small nod of acknowledgement before quickly glancing out the window to see Laura walking back to the house from the garden with a basket of various vegetables. 

"Morning," She greeted them both and placed the basket on the kitchen counter. "We're thinking about spaghetti tonight with a salad made from vegetables from the garden, is that okay with you?" She asked turning towards Natasha who wordlessly nodded in response. Laura was turned too Bucky now. "Do you want to stay for dinner?"

Bucky smiled, nodding. "That'd be great, thank you." 

At least that hadn't changed, if Laura Barton asked you to stay for dinner it meant you stayed. 

Natasha stayed silent while Bucky and Laura talked for a few minutes before they left, Natasha trailing closely behind Bucky and climbing into the passenger seat after arriving at the car.

"You want anything to eat?" Bucky asked after they pulled out of the drive way and were heading to town where his apartment was. Natasha only shook her head, staying silent again and looking out the window as Bucky drove. "Laura said you haven't ate yet."

They ended up at McDonald's after Natasha reluctantly agreed to eat something, after ordering pancakes and a coffee with cream and sugar for himself and a Mcgriddle and a black coffee at the drive-thru he pulled into a parking space facing the busy road. They ate in silence for a while before Bucky spoke after he put his garbage in the paper bag while Natasha was mostly picking at what was left of her sandwich. She ate about half, he considered it a win.

"You good with meeting Steve?" He asked, turning towards her. "I've known him since elementary school, he's a good guy and he'll understand if you're not up for that, he was military too."

Natasha kept her eyes on the view outside, watching the cars before eventually nodding. 

Bucky nodded in return and pulled out of the parking space, he hopped everything went well. Steve was a great guy but unlike the rest of them he made the choice to leave, wasn't Black op, and wasn't kidnapped, had an arm blown off or hadn't lost his hearing because he was too close to an explosion. So while Steve understood PTSD and military life because of his time with the arm he definitely didn't understand everything about their situation. 

* * *

Natasha and Bucky were watching Jurassic Park when Steve let himself out of habit, Natasha quickly jumped up and looked ready to bolt when Steve enter followed by Sam. Bucky quickly stood up, blocking a almost panicking Natasha from view before turning to her. He explained who the two men were as quickly and calmly as he could, he didn't know what he would do if he caused her to have two break downs. After she calmed down enough he was sure nothing would result in a panic attack Bucky turned to Steve, glaring at him before dragging him out the door and into the hall, leaving Sam and Natasha alone. 

Natasha wrapped her arms around herself in a self hug and took a few steps back from Sam, she didn't seem like a threat but Baron Zemo didn't either until he betrayed them and got over half their unit killed and set off the explosion that caused Bucky to lose an arm and Clint to go almost completely deaf.  _Asshole_. Sam's eyes were on her but not in a bad way, mostly taking in her appearance but he didn't seem disturbed or like he pitted her or anything like that and watching her watching him. 

He shifted his weight and she noticed his leg. 

Sam  cleared his throat and she looked back up at his face, noting a few faint scars. "How you doin'?" He asked, trying to ease the awkward tension between them while Steve and Bucky talked or rather yelled at each other in the hall. 

"Hey." She answered after a long moment, somewhat proud of herself for actually speaking to a stranger when it dawned on her and Sam seemed to read her mind. 

She stared at him and he stared back. 

"Shit." He spoke, breaking the silence. "Holy shit."

Steve and Bucky walked into the apartment, Steve spoke first, clearly not noticing what was happening.

"Sorry for that, I forgot Bucky said you would be here." He rambled. "This is Sam by the way and I'm Steve. You okay? I really didn't mean-" Steve stopped talking glancing around the room and at the rest of the people in the room, seeming to sense something was going on. "What?" He finally looked at Sam, who was now staring at his right arm in shock. 

And sure enough her "Hey." and someone elses "Go to hell." Were on his arm. Damn, whoever their other soulmate wasn't friendly.

Bucky quickly made his way to Natasha, ignoring Steves confusion like she and Sam were. 

"Are you okay?" He asked, quickly glancing at Sam before looking at her again.

Natasha stayed still for a moment, unsure if she was okay or even if she could even move because that was unexpected and now what the hell was she supposed to do? She didn't even know Sam  and knew he deserved someone better than her, someone who wasn't so damaged and messed up. 

She looked at Bucky before looking at Sam. She wanted this, she wanted to love and to be loved and the whole package but could she have it? 

Natasha kept her focus on Sam while making her decision. She wanted this, She could have this. She guessed it was time to finally stop running from herself after everything that happened to her, after her parents, Anton, shitty foster homes, the hell that was high school and everything that happened during her time in the military and everything she survived. 

It was time to start healing and stop running. 

She took in a shaky breath before nodding. "Yeah, I'm okay." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so freaking sorry for taking forever on this chapter and that it's pretty damn short but a lot happened and I needed a break for a bit.   
> I started this when my mom and I were staying in the hospital with my dad (our work was kind enough to let us take a leave from a few days after Christmas until early April) because back in August of 2018 my dad was given about six months and was in and out of the hospital, shortly after Thanksgiving he had to go in and they told us he wouldn't be leaving because he was too weak and the day after Christmas they told us they thought he only had a few weeks so we just basically moved in. He passed away in late February and between my emotions, the funeral, going back to work, and being with family and friends I rarely had time to write anything, my friends have also been going through a rough time and we all have just been spending a lot of time together between work and a one person being the only person still in college because the rest of us dropped out after a semester or less because we just couldn't do college on top of everything else or just didn't go.  
> Thank you to everyone who read, comment and left a kudos, it means so much especially since this is such a rare ship. I mean there's three works under the tag for this ship, one of them being this one.

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this whole idea for an entire series for a while now after listening to Saturn by Sleeping At Last and I had to make it happen. This whole series won't revolve around these pairings, I just can't this one out of my head for some reason.  
> At first this took place in the present because I was a dumbass and didn't think about Google and the fact I can just look up whatever I needed. Sooo, this takes place in 2007 if I did my math right and there is a very real possibility that I did not so if I did not please forgive me because there is also no real solid evidence of the Barton kids ages. Lila looked about five or six and Cooper looked about eight and the base of my math was based off that.   
> Natasha is 26, Sam is 32 and Wanda is 21 and that is based off the actors current ages and subtracted 12 years.   
> That was just a quick explanation of where the hell my math came from but I failed freshman year math and had to retake it and failed sophomore year math and had to go to summer school.   
> The title comes from Pluto by Sleeping at Last from their Atlas:Year One album and I plan on all the titles and songs coming from that. I highly suggest you at least try listening to it, it's absolutely beautiful especially Saturn, I cried the first time I heard it.


End file.
